I Guess You Just Can't Choose Your Relatives

Ole and Lena had been happily married for almost fifty years.

They were out on their front porch one evening rocking in their rocking chairs.

Suddenly Ole stopped and looked at Lena.

"Lena, vhatever happened to our sex relations?"

Lena stopped rocking and thought for a moment.

"Well, Ole. I just don't know. I don't think we even got a card from dem last Christmas."

Sven and Ole have a Multicultural Experience

Sven and Ole went bungee jumping at the county fair and really loved it.
Afterward, Sven look at Ole and said "You know what, Ole? We should buy some equipment and go down to Mexico. Dey don't have bungee jumping down dere and we could make a fortune!"

"Dat's a very good idea Sven. Let's do dat."

So Sven and Ole bought all the necessary equipment and went down to a small village in Mexico. As they began to set up the tower in the village square, a crowd started to form. When they were finished they went up to the top and Olie fastened himself to the cord and jumped off. When he came back up, Sven noticed he had some bruises and abrasions. He tried to catch Ole but missed.

Ole went back down, and this time when he came up he was bleeding and battered. Sven tried to catch him again but missed. Down went Olie!

When he came back up he was barely conscious and one his arms was broken. This time Sven managed to catch him, and pull him onto the tower.

"Ole!! Vhat happened? Was da cord too long?"

"No, Sven, da cord is fine. Da crowd did dis to me. Sven, I have a question."

"Yes, Ole? Vhat is it?"

"What in da world is a pinyata?"

Ole's New Truck

Sven was walking down the street one day he sees his best friend Ole driving a brand new Ford pickup.

"Ole!! Where in da world did you get dis new truck?!"

Ole smiled. "Lena gave it to me."

"LENA? Ole, I knew she was sweet on ya, but dis? Why did she give it to you?"

"Well, Sven, it vas like dis: We were out driving last night and we parked in a quiet little spot down by da river. We were snuggling close when all of a sudden Lena took off all her clothes and said 'Ole, take whatever you want!' So... I took da truck."

Sven thought about this for a few seconds and said "Ole, you are a very smart man. Dem clothes NEVER would of fit ya."

Ole's Last Wish

Ole was on his death bed and said to his wife,"Lena, I want you to swear that when I die you will marry Sven".

"Why Sven Svenson?" Lena replied, "You've hated him all your life!"

Ole gasped, "Still do."

Ole's Just Trying to Do the Right Thing

Ole was listening to the radio and the weatherman said there was a big storm coming and so everyone needed to park on the right side of the street.

So Ole went out and moved the car to the right side of the street.

A few days later, another storm moves in and the weatherman said to park the cars on the left side of the street.

So Ole goes out in the cold and moves the car to the left side of the street.

Another day passes and a third blizzard is rolling in. Again, the weatherman comes on and says that all cars need to be parked on the right side of the street, so the plows can get through.

And Ole, who's getting really tired of going out in the cold, says to Lena, "You know Lena, I just don't care. They can give me a ticket. I'm just going to leave the car in the darn garage, and they can ticket me all they want!"

Sven and Ole: Rim Shot

Why were Sven and Ole seen pushing a house down the street?

They were trying to get the furnace started.

Sven Finds a Penguin!

Sven calls up Ole and says, "I just don't know what to do. I found a penguin in my backyard. What should I do?"

Ole says, "Wel now, why don't you take him to de zoo?"

Sven says, "Aw, Ole, dat's a very good idea!" and hangs up.

The next day, Ole goes to Lake Calhoun, and what does he see but Sven walking on the bike path with the penguin by his side.

"Sven," he says, "I t'ought I told you to take dat penguin to de zoo."

"Vell," says Ole, "I did, and we had so much fun I t'ought I'd take him for a walk around de lakes."

Ole and Lena Buy a Car

Ole and Lena need a new car so they go down to the car lot.

They look around the lot for a while until they spot a car they are interested in.

Lena gets in the car yells "Ole, are the turn signals working?"

Ole yells back "Yea, No, Yea, No..."