Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Ole and Sven Write a Computer Virus

WARNING: Minnesota Computer Virus

We have yust sent you da "NORVEGIAN VIRUS".

Since ve do not haf any programming experience and do not know how to actually damage your computer, dis virus works on da honor system.

Please forward dis virus to everyone on your mailing list and den hit your hard drive with a hammer. Thank you for your cooperation.

Sven and Ole

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Ole Saves Sven's Life. Or did he?

Ole and Sven went fishing one day.

Sven stood up to get some bait and he fell into the water.

Ole dove down and brought him back and performed mouth-to-mouth.

Then Ole said "Hey, Sven didn't have a blue sports coat. I wonder who this is?"

Monday, December 29, 2008

Ole Junior Ain't No Math Major

Ole Junior came running home from school one day crying.

"Mom" he asked, "I've got da biggest feet in third grade. Is that cuz I'm Norwegian?"

Lena said "No. It's because you're 19."

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Sven and Ole Play a Guessing Game

Ole was carrying a bag of chickens when he came across Sven.

Sven asked "Ole, how many chickens in da bag?"

Ole said "If you can guess I'll give you both of them!"

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Ole, No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Ole walks up to church and the minister stops him, "Ole, where'd you get those two black eyes?"

Ole says, "In church, last Sunday, I sat behind this nice looking woman and her blouse was tucked in too tight, oooh, you could see some crack, not pretty. Didn't look good, no. So I pulled it up a little and she turned around and hit me in the eye!"

"But Ole, you have two black eyes."

"Ya, ya know, she didn't like it pulled up so I tucked it back in for her."

Friday, December 26, 2008

Ole's Spelling Bee

Lena dies and Ole goes to call the undertaker.

"Oh, yah, my wife Lena passed away and I'd like ya come collect the body."

The undertaker responds "Oh, Ole, I'm so sorry to hear, were do ya live?"

"One Two Three Sycamore Street."

"Ole how do ya spell Sycamore?"

Ole says: "S.... Ya know, I could drag her on over to Oak."

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Lena's Wardrobe Malfunction

Ole comes home early and Lena quickly hides Sven in the closet. Ole walks in and asks why she's naked. Lena says "I have nothing to wear".

Ole goes to the closet and says, "But, here you have a red dress, blue dress, green dress, Sven, yellow dress..."

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Ole and Lena on Gifts

Ole says, "Gee Lena, I get ya whatever you want, a new mink fur, a diamond and a big boat!"
Lena says "I want a divorce!"

Ole looks down "Oh, gee, I wasn't thinking to spend that much."

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Ole and Lena On Vacation

Ole and Lena were driving to Minneapolis for their anniversary. <

Ole put his hand on Lena's thigh.

Lena said "Ole, you can go a little further..."

So Ole drove to Duluth.

Monday, December 22, 2008

So Ole Is Sitting at the Bar...

A salesman from Des Moines stops in a small bar and grill in MN and orders a cheeseburger.

While he is sitting at the bar eating, Ole says "So you from outta town, der eh?".

The salesman keeps eating and doesn't answer.

Ole says "So you gonna be in town long, der eh?"

The salesman still doesn't answer.

Finally Ole says "Hey don't you hear so good, der eh?".

The salesman, fed up with him, turns and says "I don't answer questions that end in 'der eh'."

Ole says "So you from outta town, der eh, ASSHOLE!"

An Ole and Lena Joke: Ole and Lena's Golden Anniversary

For their 50th wedding anniversary, Lena gave Ole a hammer.

"What's this for?" asked Ole.

Lena replied, "Fifty years of bad sex."

Ole gave Lena her present.  Unwrapping it, Lena found a frying pan.

"What's this for? asked Lena.

"Knowing the difference", said Ole.