Thursday, December 29, 2011

But Those Legs Go All The Way Up

Sven and Ole buy a mule. But when they get it home, they can’t get it into the barn. It just won’t go.

Sven says, “I know just the problem. He won’t fit through the door. His ears are too long.”

Ole sees that Sven is right, thinks a bit, and then says, “I know what we can do. We should raise the barn by a foot, so he’ll fit.”

Sven asks, “Wouldn’t it be easier to dig a ditch for him to walk in?”
Ole says, “Sven, don’t be such a dummy! It’s his ears that are too long, not his legs!”

Sunday, December 25, 2011

I Bet She Can Still Make Glasses Shiver

Sven’s down at the feed store and runs across Ole.

Sven says, "Ole, good to see you! How’ve you been?”


“And what about your wife, I haven’t seen her in awhile. How’s she doing, Ole?”


Sven says, “I heard you bought her a piano, didn’t you? That must be real fine. How’d she like it?”

Ole answers, “Fine. But I sold the piano and bought a clarinet.”

“A clarinet? Why would you give her a clarinet instead of a piano?”

Ole glares at Sven a bit, then says, “Because with a clarinet, she can’t sing!”

Thursday, July 7, 2011

There Are Times When Patience Is Not a Virtue

Ole is on his deathbed. The doctor has told him he has only a few hours to live. He catches the scent of his favorite bars wafting through the air. With all the strength he can muster, he drags himself into the kitchen and sees a fresh pan cooling on the rack. He cuts one out and bites into the scrumptious cookie.

Lena comes in, smacks his hand, and says, "Shame on you, Ole! Dese are for after de funeral

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

God Help Him If Lena Gets a Nailgun

Sven and Ole are roofing a house. Ole picks a nail out of the pan, examines it, and with a "nope" tosses it over his shoulder, picks up another one does the same thing, picks up a third and after examining it uses it to nail in the shingle.

Sven (seeing all of this) exclaims, "Ole! what the hell are you doing, wasting nails like that?"

Ole replies, "Well you see, those nails they're pointing towards the house, I can use them. But these nails... they're pointing away from the house, they're useless."

"Ole you IDIOT!!" Sven replies, "those nails aren't something you just throw away willy nilly... those nails are for the other side of the house."

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

The Very Definition of "Penny-Wise and Pound Foolish"

Ole goes out one day to use the outhouse, and he finds Sven there. Sven has his wallet out, and he's throwing money down into the hole of the outhouse.

Ole asks, "Sven, watcha doin' there, fella? You're throwing the five dollar bill and the ten dollar bill down into the hole of the outhouse! Whatcha doin' that for?"

Sven answers, "Well, when I pulled up my trousers I dropped a nickel down there—and I'm not going down into that mess for just a nickel!"

Monday, July 4, 2011

I Bet Ole Never Felt So Fresh

Ole went to the Sons of Norway Hall one night and finally won the door prize, which was a toilet brush. He was so excited that he won he brought it home and used it often.

Sven asked him during the next meeting what the prize was and if he liked it or not.

Ole replied, "Yea I like the toilet brush, but I think I'm gonna go back to using paper."

Sunday, July 3, 2011

But they're making great time!

Ole and Sven are out deer hunting. Ole bags a buck.

After they dress the deer and tag it, they grab it by its hind legs and start dragging through the woods back to the car. A game warden happens on the pair and, after checking their tags and admiring the buck tells them that they are dragging the deer out all wrong. By dragging it by the rear legs, the snow, leaves and dirt are getting caught by the animals fur, and the horns are getting all tangled in the brush. The warden suggests that they drag it by the front legs. They agree to try it and much to their surprise, it is much easier dragging the deer this way.

After a half hour of this Sven turns to Ole and says, "Boy dat game warden was right, it sure is easier dragging de deer dis way, but ya know, we are getting further away from de car."