Thursday, April 30, 2009

Little Ole Is the Original Bart Simpson

The Preacher conversed with Little Ole one sunny day:

"So your mother says your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she say?"

Ole answered, "Thank God he's in bed!"

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Lena, Now That's Chicken Soup for the Soul!

Lena once had two chickens. One of them got terribly sick. So she killed the other one to make soup to get the first one well again.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Patience Makes Perfect!

"Hey Sven, " said Ole, "how many Swedes does it take to grease a Combine?" After Sven replied, "I don't know." Ole said, "Only two, if you run them through real slow."

Monday, April 27, 2009

... And Now It's a Convertible

Ole and Sven were taking a vacation in Sven's new camper. As usual, they'd become lost and were wandering around a strange town trying to find the highway. Sven was just starting down a grade to go under a bridge when he slams on the brakes.

Ole: Vat da heck you do dat for, Sven?

Sven: Dat sign dere says "Low Bridge. No Vehicles Over Twelve Feet High." Dis here camper is t'irteen feet!

Ole: Cripes almighty Sven, dere ain't no cops around. Yust hit da gas pedal and go for it!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

I Wonder What They Said to The Guy Running the Zamboni?

Ole and Sven grabbed their poles and headed out to do some ice fishing. As they were augering a hole in the ice they heard a loud voice from above say, "There are no fish under the ice." Ole an Sven moved about 25 feet over and started to make another hole. The voice said a little stronger, " There are no fish under the ice." They both looked around and then looked up. Ole said in a humble voice, "Are you God?" The voice spoke back, "No ya idiots! I'm the ice rink attendant."

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Ole Must Have Been Tired

Ole was staggering home after a night in the tavern. A Lutheran minister saw him and offered to help him get home safely. As they approached the house, Ole asked the minister to step inside for a moment. He explained, "I vant Lena to see who I have been out vith."

Friday, April 24, 2009

Is That Norway or Norvay?

Lena was being interviewed for a job as maid for the very wealthy
Mrs. Diamond, who asked her: "Do you have any religious views?"
"No," said Lena, "but I've got some nice pictures of Norway."

Thursday, April 23, 2009

At Least Ole Is Prepared For All Eventualities

Ole wore both of his winter jackets when he painted his house last July. The directions on the can said "put on two coats".

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

How Cheap ARE You Ole?

Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely, he grumbled: "Vell, dere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Does Lena Fly American?

Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo? "Just a minute," said the busy clerk. "Vell, said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink Ill just take da bus."