Ole and Sven Come Back from a Fishing Trip

Ole and Sven went on an expensive fishing trip and returned with only one fish.

"The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400," said Sven.

"Vell," replied Ole, "At dat price it's a good ting we didn't catch any more."

An Ole Rim Shot

Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench, a lady turned to Ole and said, "Are you a pole vaulter?"

Ole said, "No, I'm Norvegian...and my name isn't Valter."

I'd Say God has Ole's Number

One particular Sunday Ole was lying back in the hammock and was feeling a little religious. "God," said Ole, "when you made Lena, why did you make her so nice and round and so pleasant to hold?"

Suddenly a voice from above said, "So you would love her, Ole."

"Well then," asked Ole, "why Lord did you make her so stupid?"

"So she would love you, Ole" replied the voice.

Lena Plans Ahead

Ole went to the doctor for a physical. After Ole was dressed the doctor came in and said, "I am sorry Ole, but you are very sick and have only a few weeks to live."

Ole went home with a heavy heart to tell Lena the news. After Ole told Lena he sat in his easy chair and Lena went to the kitchen. Soon Ole began to smell a heavenly aroma that came from their kitchen. Lena was making his favorite cookies!

He went into the kitchen and started to take a cookie, but Lena slaped his hand away and said, "Ole, you can't eat these. These cookies are for the funeral!"

Not Really an Ole & Lena Joke, but It Suits the Mood

A Norwegian, Swede and Dane made a bet about who could stay the longest in a pig house.

(Pigs have their own houses for winter use on Scandinavian farms because its so cold.)

They all went in at the same time. After five minutes the Dane came running out. Fifteen minutes later the Swede stumbled out the door. After twenty minutes the pig ran out.

A Quickie for You Lena Fans

Lena once had two chickens.

One of them got terribly sick.

So she killed the other one to make soup to get the first one well again.

Lena Has Car Trouble

Lena: "There is some trouble wit' the car, sweetheart. It has water in da carburetor."

Ole: "Water in da carburetor? That is ridiculous."

Lena: "Ole, I tell you da car has water in the carburetor."

Ole: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where is da car?"

Lena: "In da lake."

A Quickie for You Ole Fans

When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold.

He muttered, "I'm not going down there just for 50 cents."