As Long As He Hasn't Been Brushing His Teeth With It

Ole, Lars and Sven had been going to the Sons of Norway hall meeting as long as there had been a hall. And every month, wouldn't ya know it, they didn't win a prize in the monthly draw. That is until the last meeting. Sven was the first one of the three to get his name drawn. He won two pounds of spaghetti sauce, four boxes of noodles, and three pounds of Swedish meatballs. Ole had his name drawn next. He got himself round trip tickets to Duluth, a nights stay at the Dew Drop Inn and a pair of tickets to see the Inger triplets Polka Ensemble. Ole thought that he had died and gone to heaven. Lars was the last one to have his name drawn, he won a toilet brush.

At the next monthly meeting, they sat down together to check out how each other had fared for the past month. Sven said "Uff da, I had dat pasghetti for tree days. It was so good, and Helga didn't have to buy food for dem dere tree days." Ole said "Lena was so happy vhen I brought home dem tickets. The trip up to Dulut was nice, we got to ride da Greyhound, and you know, they got a built in outhouse on dat dere bus. And the Inger Triplets, if I didn't know better, I would swear dey were sisters."

Then Ole turned to Lars, and asked him how his prize worked out. Lars looks at them both and says "Dat dere toilet brush is nice, but I tink I'll go back to using paper."

Ole Better've Brought His Golf Umbrella

Ole and Sven were playing golf when Sven pulled out a cigar but didn't have a lighter. So he asked Ole for a light. "Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter," Ole replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12-inch lighter. "Yiminy Cricket!" exclaimed Sven, "Vhere did yew get dat monster??" "Vell," replied Ole, "I got it from my Genie." "You haff a genie?" Sven asked. "Ya, shure, he's right here in my golf bag," said Ole. "Could I see him?" Ole opens his golf bag and out pops the genie. Sven says, "Hey dere! I'm a good friend of yur master. Vill yew grant me vun vish?" "Yes I will", the genie said. So Sven asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there waiting for his million bucks. Suddenly the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard. Sven yells to Ole, "I asked for a million bucks, not DUCKS!" Ole answers, "Ya, I forgot to tell yew, da genie is hard uf hearing. Do yew really tink I asked him for a 12-inch BIC?"

An Ole Rim Shot

Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench, a lady turned to Ole and said, "Are you a pole vaulter?"

Ole said, "No, I'm Norvegian...and my name isn't Valter."

Sven and Ole Need A Loan

Both Ole and Sven needed a loan so off they go to the bank. Sven went in first. "I want $10,000!"

"What do you do for a living?" asked the manager.

"I pilot!" said Sven.

"Well, that's a good profession" said the manager as he signed the banker's check.

Then Ole went in and said, "I want $10,000 too!"

"Well, what do you do for a living?" asked the manager.

"I'm a lumberjack," he replied.

"Well, I can't give a lumberjack that kind of money," said the manager.

"Well, if I don't cut the wood, Sven can't pile it!"

I Guess You Could Say Ole Went Bananas

Ole and Sven were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel.

"Have you eaten your banana yet?" Ole asked excitedly.

"No" replied Sven.

"Vell don't touch it den, " Ole exclaimed. "I yust took vun bite and vent blind!"

Ole, Don't Answer It!

Ole walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?"

Ole says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and (hold iron to ear) shhh! I accidentally answered the iron."

The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"

Ole says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!"

Sven and Ole have a Multicultural Experience

Sven and Ole went bungee jumping at the county fair and really loved it.
Afterward, Sven look at Ole and said "You know what, Ole? We should buy some equipment and go down to Mexico. Dey don't have bungee jumping down dere and we could make a fortune!"

"Dat's a very good idea Sven. Let's do dat."

So Sven and Ole bought all the necessary equipment and went down to a small village in Mexico. As they began to set up the tower in the village square, a crowd started to form. When they were finished they went up to the top and Olie fastened himself to the cord and jumped off. When he came back up, Sven noticed he had some bruises and abrasions. He tried to catch Ole but missed.

Ole went back down, and this time when he came up he was bleeding and battered. Sven tried to catch him again but missed. Down went Olie!

When he came back up he was barely conscious and one his arms was broken. This time Sven managed to catch him, and pull him onto the tower.

"Ole!! Vhat happened? Was da cord too long?"

"No, Sven, da cord is fine. Da crowd did dis to me. Sven, I have a question."

"Yes, Ole? Vhat is it?"

"What in da world is a pinyata?"

Ole's New Truck

Sven was walking down the street one day he sees his best friend Ole driving a brand new Ford pickup.

"Ole!! Where in da world did you get dis new truck?!"

Ole smiled. "Lena gave it to me."

"LENA? Ole, I knew she was sweet on ya, but dis? Why did she give it to you?"

"Well, Sven, it vas like dis: We were out driving last night and we parked in a quiet little spot down by da river. We were snuggling close when all of a sudden Lena took off all her clothes and said 'Ole, take whatever you want!' So... I took da truck."

Sven thought about this for a few seconds and said "Ole, you are a very smart man. Dem clothes NEVER would of fit ya."

Ole's Just Trying to Do the Right Thing

Ole was listening to the radio and the weatherman said there was a big storm coming and so everyone needed to park on the right side of the street.

So Ole went out and moved the car to the right side of the street.

A few days later, another storm moves in and the weatherman said to park the cars on the left side of the street.

So Ole goes out in the cold and moves the car to the left side of the street.

Another day passes and a third blizzard is rolling in. Again, the weatherman comes on and says that all cars need to be parked on the right side of the street, so the plows can get through.

And Ole, who's getting really tired of going out in the cold, says to Lena, "You know Lena, I just don't care. They can give me a ticket. I'm just going to leave the car in the darn garage, and they can ticket me all they want!"

Sven and Ole: Rim Shot

Why were Sven and Ole seen pushing a house down the street?

They were trying to get the furnace started.

Sven Finds a Penguin!

Sven calls up Ole and says, "I just don't know what to do. I found a penguin in my backyard. What should I do?"

Ole says, "Wel now, why don't you take him to de zoo?"

Sven says, "Aw, Ole, dat's a very good idea!" and hangs up.

The next day, Ole goes to Lake Calhoun, and what does he see but Sven walking on the bike path with the penguin by his side.

"Sven," he says, "I t'ought I told you to take dat penguin to de zoo."

"Vell," says Ole, "I did, and we had so much fun I t'ought I'd take him for a walk around de lakes."